Being a parent sucks so much sometimes

I am so angry right now, I can barely contain myself. The worst part is that I'm angry with Little Dude. For nothing more than that he ran off. And while I can intellectually understand why I'm angry and that I'm more scared than angry, the anger is the stronger emotion.
We got out of the car as always and he decides, as he usually does, to go to the field next to our apartment. But then he proceeds to run over the hill and to the other side where another parking lot is. And the more I yelled at him to come back the faster and further he ran. I was able to remain in control of myself enough that I didn't give into my desire to beat the living tar out of him for scaring me so bad and putting his life at serious risk, but just barely. So now he is down for a nap and I'm venting here, because I'm a ball of nerves at the moment and know I need to calm down, and stop shaking.
It didn't help that we just got back from doing the frame walk through at the house and he was an absolute brat the whole time. We had to restrain him in his stroller just to keep him under control. And he cried and whined the whole time. But we couldn't just let him run around willy nilly, there are nails everywhere and exposed everything and windows open with no screens as well as open framing from the stairs and upstairs to the downstairs. Nothing like a 10 foot fall onto concrete littered with nails to ruin your day and possibly your child's life, no?!
So his disobedience is a direct result of not getting his way at the house and being restrained in his stroller for half an hour. But still to run into a parking lot when he is only as high as the bottom of the windows, very scary. Even if the people are being careful and watching for small children odds are they wouldn't see him. And most aren't looking, because very few children live here anyway.
It just scared the living tar out of me, he was too far away for me to dash to get to him if I had to. To say the least I wasn't the warmest, nicest person when I got a hold of him, as he was trying to get to a window where a bunch of dogs were frantically barking and scratching to get out and eat him. But to him they are dogs, who just want to love him and lick him to death. And as I carried him back and up the stairs I held him too tight and told him to shut up. Lovely , no? yup mother of the year, right here folks.
But I am glad that once again when pushed to my limit I'm able to stay in control. I fear that with my childhood history that I would snap under pressure and turn into my mother. To date that hasn't happened, so while the moment is terrifying it is also one more notch in my belt of not becoming my parents. Oh the terror of being a parent, it sucks so much some times.